A few nights ago, I tried to help someone I perceived to be in pain, in loss, in confusion; I sincerely thought I could, I wanted things to be better, smoother. Work smarter, not harder, and all that. I was present, I listened, I felt, I pondered; I did not feel I could refuse. I felt something take over, a rare situation for me. The Other suddenly screeched, howling in pain; I didn’t know what was going on. The Other said I was too bright, my presence hurt them. I shielded in Daddy’s arms, peeped out to observe. Other seemed to be okay, as okay as Other could be. I had no idea my presence, my aura, could be perceived as hurtful, as ill-making, as burning.
I think I understand now, having had some discussions with those close to me, what happened.
Once upon a time, when I was broken, when my soul resembled a mountain of ground meat, a pulsing, living hunk of pain, I thought darkness was all there was. I hurt, I screamed, I didn’t think anyone heard me or cared if I lived or died, I was abandoned, forgotten, worthless. Of course, this was not so, but I had believed the lies I had been told. I thought fear was all there was. I locked me up, and threw away the key. Little did I know someone caught that key, I wasn’t forgotten, better was desired for me, I was loved, I was valued, no matter how much I might object.It took a long time, a lot of work, mountains of trust, but I am getting better, bit by bit. A lot of dross has been burnt from me, and I shine brighter for it.
Until this encounter, I hadn’t realised how this could affect anyone else. I knew I had hurt, and wanted the hurt to stop. Sometimes the healing fires hurt worse than what I’d felt before, but they came to an end. I feel less fear, Love burns it away, they are mutually exclusive, one embraces death, the other embraces Life.
I did try to do what I could to help, but the Other, of their free will, chose fear; I cannot interfere with this. Until Love and all the burnings it entails are embraced, fear and death are the reapings. Doubt it not, the burning will come, the choice is whether to run from it or to embrace it, releasing what does not serve. Choose Love, choose Innocence, let go of who you thought you were to become who you are. If nothing else, it hurts less, and is more fun.